Sunday, January 20, 2008

I Thought They Had Vitamin C And Stuff...

Last week the Supreme Court placed a case on their April docket regarding the claim that some consumers were duped by Philip Morris into believing that Lights were A-Ok to smoke. Next up: Me vs. Flintstone Vitamins. I thought they'd revert society back into peaceful hunter gatherers who cohabitate with multi-functional dino-buddies. Honestly, Philip Morris is only helping out the whole natural selection part of Evolution at this point. C'mon, people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those self righteous non-smoking ass pirates who wrinkles my nose whenever someone lights a cigarette within 50 feet of me. No no, my friends. I am an ex smoker. A reformed smoker. In recovery, as some of you schmuck 12 steppers would put it. Yes, I may have the lungs of a non-smoker, but I believe I have the metaphorical heart of a two pack a day-er. And as such, I despise all the pricks riding on this new fangled wave of health nuts pushing through legislation outlawing people from borrowing matches in public and whatnot. But still... even when I was smoking, (heavily, I might add) I never once considered my blissful habit as healthy or even neutral. So for anyone out there still in the dark as to whether or not light ciggies are good or bad for you: mail me a money order (no personal checks) for 25 dollars and I'll send you a carton of my brand new, all natural, organic cigarettes which will help you to lose weight and increase your IQ while simultaneously increasing the size of your penis or breasts. They're called Darwins. Smoke up, Johnny!

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3 comments:

Does not play well with others said...

Those stupid morons. Everybody knows that its the ultra-lights that are good for ya!

Keefer Milton said...

Oh yeah... with the word Ultra in it? Fugettaboutit. Kinda like: http://keeferwashere.blogspot.com/2008/01/marketing.html

Keefer Milton said...
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